The Perfect Plan

My favorite activity in the fall is being up in the morning alone with a cup of coffee and sitting on the porch completely admiring the changing leaves. There is so much quiet and beauty that takes me far away from everyday craziness.

This morning I was joined by a praying mantis. This time of year, they turn brown and it was quite a surprise to sit down next to this little guy.  He didn’t move or jump away. He just cocked his little head and acknowledged my presence as he continued on with his praying.  This is the point my mind begins to wonder down the rabbit hole of solstice.

What a marvelous creation God has made.  Is this little guy a male? If he is does he know when he mates, he’ll be eaten? Does he know its his destiny or purpose? Is this some kind of sacrificial mating? I wasn’t kidding about the rabbit hole.  I then began to think of other creatures that fascinate me. Glow worms. Those are some cool and weird sights. What was their purpose besides lighting the path as I walk to my car on a moonless night? Stick bugs.  I have only seen a few stick bugs around the house. They really make you think God was like, Hey, lets take this twig and give it some legs and see what happens here.

All this wondering points me to creation.  We all know God created these creatures in one day. I have always pictured – HERE –and there they were, but if you think about it, not only did God speak all this into being, He also had to give each and every thing direction, their marching orders so to speak. Tell the trees “grow leaves, have them change color and shed them. Then wait a few months and grow some new ones.” Each and everything on the planet it’s specific instruction of how interact with the world.  Now that is an amazing and fantastic wonder!

Then there’s humans and this apple. We too have our orders, our destinies and how to interact with the world.  The only difference is we have a choice. We ate the apple and become aware.  Nothing else on the planet is given the luxury of choice.  Would the praying mantis, knowing what we know, choose to mate? Even our pets that we so humanize, are given their instruction and act accordingly.

As I think of all these things in the quiet of the morning watching the leaves fall and the mantis now start cleaning his paws, I find such peace and comfort in such a perfect plan.  Everything is at it should be in all it’s beauty.

It was, is and always will be Love

In light of the recent week of stirring emotions, I am noticing the hashtag lovewins.  I am perplexed by this statement, and I agree with it. Love did win. 2000 years ago. On a cross. When Jesus gave his life to take our sins upon himself, past-present and any future that we would ever commit.  That is true love. Why did this have to happen?  In getting a perspective on this I thought about the time before I was married.

When my husband and I were dating, we lived an hour away from each other.  As things got serious and we fell in love, that hour seemed like 10 hours away.  We were able to get about 2 days a week together due to jobs and our schedules.  The rest of the time we were separated from each other. The longer we dated the harder it was on those days we didn't get to see each other. Finally, when it just seemed so hard to continue always leaving each other and not being able to have all the time together we wanted, he asked me to marry him.  We could have ended it and gone our own ways but love won and we chose to make a commitment to it. That was the pivotal moment when we decided that we wouldn't have to stay apart forever.

God is holy. He cannot reside in sin.  That's why we were separated from him. If you're like me, you know how agonizing it feels to be separated from your true love. Something would have to be done. A marriage-A cross.

We now have only have one goal here before we get to heaven. Love. Persue a love for God and a love for each other.  Everything else is white noise.

An Apology I Owe

You know that feeling as the roller coaster is slowly creeping up the hill and you know at some point it will get to the top and then you'll take off? Well, today I hit that hill. paused, and then went for the ride of my life.  The past few days feel like crazy just took over the world out of nowhere and sucked everyone into this vortex, me included.  It was a test I'm sure. I guess I will have to ask for a make up. 

I never comment on issues on facebook.  I just don't. Facebook is where I share my cool pictures for my family and play a couple games when I'm bored.  Yesterday, I broke my rule.  I was so stirred up because we are so human. I wrote  a couple of posts. One on a new fb page and some others on status's. I knew something wasn't right because I haven't had any peace about this since.

So the back story; the before to the after...  I live in the South, formerly from the Northeast. As for the community I live in, the Civil War is over, they hold reenactments to teach history to the children and everything is as it should be.  No one is showing any signs of discrimination. No one flies a rebel flag in the yard. No one runs around smearing rebellious campaigns against other persons.  We are overly nice and respectful to everyone.  We even go out of our way to teach respect of all other living things to our children. The only time I saw a rebel flags is when it was wrapped around the grave of my neighbors great grandfather who fought in the civil war.  It's a family thing. Honestly, I did not realize that people were still finding offense of this symbol until a friend, who I would never hurt in a million years (DJ), put it in perspective for me. I would not be so soft hearted if it were a Nazi swastika. My heart sank to my feet when the revelation hit me and I felt awful. So my choice is people. I choose them over any symbol or idol.  Do what you want with the laws, flags, marriages, or whatever but if one thing I do or say hurts someone else, especially my friends and family, I am breaking the law of the spirit and this causes me more grief than anything. So, in short, I'm sorry.

There are and always will be drama in this country, laws passed, sins disputed, humans being humans but ...as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  I am a child of the one true King and for me, I go to the bible to find the truth and the right thing to do and will stand behind it but would never disrespect anyone for any reason or use my mouth as a weapon of mass destruction.  All I ask is that you do the same for me in return. 

As for the post on the news fb page that got like 200 likes (who cares)which I wrote concerning this subject, I have since deleted it.  I certainly hope that if the testing comes around again, I can act more like Jesus and just sit back and love on my friends no matter what they are going through or the stance they decide to take. 

Learn Quickly

In life, this is a repetitive theme. Learn quickly. Realize a wrong turn and correct your direction before you get too far down the road.  After a bible study this morning on the subject, it started my brain thinking.  I would think back to when we were kids and our parents had to teach us this same thing. I also thought back to when my son was young and I was the teacher.

We live on a farm so child proofing is out of the question.  In order to keep him safe, instead of removing the obstacles, he would have to learn what and where was safe and what he should avoid.  He turned two in the spring and we were ready for a lot of outside time.  I brought him outside and pointed out the electric fence that separates the yard from the rest of the farm.

“Do not touch this. This is an electric fence. It will shock you and hurt you. You will cry if you do.” 

At that instant I knew his wheels were turning in there.  Why can’t I touch it? It doesn’t look “electric”. Maybe it won’t shock me like she says…    It only took a day or two for that child to reach out and grab it. To his benefit, our fences weren’t as strong as they should be and I knew that if he did end up getting into it, the shock would be minimal. And it did shock. He cried. I was relieved. I thought well that takes care of that. Now he knows and will avoid this fence in the future.  The problem with parenting is our lack of ability to think like a child.  What I didn’t anticipate was his thought that well, the fence over here is bad, maybe the one over there won’t shock me.  Here we go again.  I saw the arm reach out before I even had a chance to get the words out of my mouth.  He was shocked, he cried. This would happen just one more time until his brain decided that all wire attached to poles surrounding field is off limits.  Learn quickly.

As we grow up, our parents hand over the reins and we have to learn on our own which fences are electric and which aren’t.  It’s a lot harder when you don’t have someone coming right out and telling you what’s safe and what isn’t and giving instant correction when we reach for the wrong thing. Even though I have an Owner’s Manual in ESV version to tell me, I still need to practice learning quickly.

Finding Your Child's Talents

I have been a parent for 29 years.  I'm by far "certified by a major university" expert on the subject.  I can only report my experiences.  So here is what's on my heart today.

What do we really want for our kids?  It is to be happy and successful in life. Thats it in a nutshell. Even though the definition of those two things differ for everyone, the bottom line is the same. If my child finds excitement in the stars, why would I make him play baseball? Point being, each child we have been blessed with is born with  their own gifts and talents.  This creates a happy, successful child that becomes a happy successful adult.  It may sound easy and really basic but it isn't. Here's some of my attempts:

Is sports the answer?

I put all my kids in sports starting at about 4 and all had different outcomes.  My daughter, first child, hit the most homeruns on her team yet was #1 in strikeouts as well. She's an "all in or all out" kind of child. To this day she is either totally wrapped up in something or has nothing to do with it.  The #2 child. Lets see. He was there playing ball. I never knew if he liked it or not. He was just there for every game and every practice. He is the "I do whats expected of me because thats the right thing to do" child. Ok so third time's a charm, right? Nope. #3 child is the one that shows up to practice and is more interested in chewing gum that what a glove is. On game day, he's the one hanging from the dugout fence with that look on his face like "take me home so I don't have to be in front of all these people watching me!"  So #3 is my loner. He thrives on his own and crumbles in a group. So, yes, put your children in sports.  The chances of rearing a Babe Ruth is slim to none and is no guarantee that this will keep them drug free, but if you are really paying attention, you'll find out who your children really are.

You can't create the gift.

As parents, we want control. We feel we earned the right to control our kids because all of a sudden someone is referring to you as so and so's mom or dad.  Not true. We have to give them some freedom to show us what they want/need/like. I'm that kind of  parent that actually tries to find out what my kids talents are as soon as possible. I would set legos in front of them to see who's going
to be an engineer. Intently watching them like they were in a control group to see if there was a spark. I ended up with a bunch of  "like new" legos for the yard sale. This went on and on. Some of my other tests were guitars, telescopes, roller blades, sports, airplanes, hiking trips, metal detectors, rock digs, museums, art, crafts and whatever else I could come up with.  Each time wondering if this or that would catch or create an attachment.
By the time my kids were teenagers, I was exhausted. I finally decided  "Ah, they'll figure it out" and they did. On their own. To my amazement, they are doing what they love, without my help, and I've never seen them happier.

They are watching you!

I know people hear this alot and many times think that it applies to that huge fight or that great success or that awesome vacation.  So not true!
Actually mostly the opposite.  My kids may not remember, clearly anyway, the vacations, or a wedding in the family or even what jobs I've had.  They do remember the time I picked them off the pavement after their first bike ride. They do remember the words I spoke that soothed them during the storm. They do remember their favorite book I would read to them as they drifted off.  They are watching the real you. Not the you you want the world to see.

As our children decide what makes them happy and what gifts they may have to give to the world, they will recall what made them happy. I have always loved  photography and traveling to pretty places to get the best shot. I always had to bring my young son with me because leaving him home at 6 was not legal. He sat in the back seat and talked about random things so I figured he was enduring his sentence and waiting to get home. This repeated many times. This now is one of his favorite happy places. Behind the lens of a camera in a beautiful setting. It brings him the same feeling as it did spending a pretty spring day on an excursion with mom. The examples could go on but then it would be a book.

So, in short, sports are good but chill out, they are not earning scholarships at 11. Legos are for play and not experimenting and the most important; you have to be the person you want your child to become.  More on that later.

#ILived

So welcome 2015.  As we greet this year, like every new year, with hope and optimism of a time to come filled with endless possibilities, I have the flu.  This  actually has been the best start to the year that I could ask for.  Back in  late 2014, I began thinking of all the things I might change or not change but, as with all of us, sometimes our lives are so busy that even if we wanted to explore new avenues or take new roads, we just don’t have the time.  Well, here I find myself home sick for over a week now, unable to have the energy to just go to the store and it has been the best worst thing ever.

In my boredom, accompanied by my resolution, I find myself excited about new ventures I want to take on this year.  Whether they come about or not, it is an excitement I have as I sit here on my couch with a bunch of tissues for company.

My first resolution this year is to get a bible plan and read the bible in a year. I know, I have started this many time before only to have springtime roll around and call me to the great outdoors and leave my readings in the middle of Numbers with a promise to continue at some point.  So I begin again… Genesis 1:1.  Yesterday I made it to the point where we are counting Jacobs descendants before he dies.  There were 70. Wow, I thought. Can you imagine living to see 70 of your direct descendants?

This brings my mind to my own family. My past.  The people who have set the stage for my life and have paved a way for me to live in this time with the resources and spirit that I have.  All of them in a book at the top of my closet put together by the writers and readers long ago that wanted to ensure the family would never forget the way it all started. 

As I open the first page, the introduction was enough to humble me and put in the perspective of who I am. Here is the text:

“This is the story of your GIBSON ancestors. It is, of course, incomplete but I leave it to your imagination or to further exploration to round out the story of the lives of the men and women noted here. Your ancestors were not important people. For the most part they were uneducated artisans – farmers, carpenters, fishermen, shoemakers, tavern and store keepers; hard working, simple people who made up the bulk of early immigrants to New England – people who were responsible for the development of the Colonies and our democratic way of life. Your GIBSON ancestors were good citizens. They served continually in public office as selectmen, surveyors, assessors, constables, representatives to the General Court, etc.  They were church going people, too, taking their turn serving as deacons and as members of the various church committees. You will be proud to note that this record of church and community service runs through ten generations.”

You know what I love?  That even with all the service in politics and things of the state, she finishes with what I should be most proud of: church and community service.  There it is.  This is what the family of my past holds dear.  This is where we have strayed.  We were meant to have a life filled with joy in serving and worshiping.  These two things I am sure of are what make my life in the here and now so wonderful.  I could write pages of all the cool stuff I am finding but that I will save for another time.  These are the sweet penny candy treats I so adore.

The Badge of Courage

Courage is truly under rated. When I think of courage, I picture an acrobat balancing on a biplane 1000 feet overhead or a rock climber on a mountain face clinging to rock with just a rope and some hooks.  These adrenaline junkies. no fear do or die athletes, are courageous but they are only a small percentage of what courageous looks like.

Today I was able to scrape up a minute to sit out on my front porch and take a breather. The view from my porch is mostly trees and woodland. My mind started to drift to the thoughts of the increasing number of snakes we are having lately and my ongoing avoidance of them.  The other day, in trying to overcome this fear, I headed out and walked anyway.  In telling a friend about my bravery, I stated “After thinking it over, I came to the conclusion that death by snake bite is much cooler than death by inactivity.”  I just earned my courage badge!

If you look around and really pay attention, you will find people doing courageous things every day. Courage is getting up in front of 10 people to give a presentation when just the thought of it makes you feel like you’ll pass out. Courage is running through a thunderstorm to roll your windows up.  Courage is a 17 year old bringing home a newborn baby. Courage is the woman at the grocery store who can barely push her cart through the isle.   For some, courage is just getting up in the morning.

When I think about all the times I have to muster up courage, I think of Peter.  How much courage did it take for him to step out of a perfectly good boat?  When Jesus said come, he was the one throwing fear out the window.  Anytime you have to overcome fear, you are asked to get out of your boat.  I think we all look a lot like courage.

Finding the Familiar

On the eve of turning half a century, I decided that last blog was really a bunch of whining.  I have had the last two weeks to really think about a lot of stuff. Is that normal for 49 and 99/100? I guess it would be.  I really starting counting all the things I am so grateful for and If I were to write them down I would run out of space.  The one concept that really stood out to me today is the human need to find all that is familiar.  We spend so much time talking about expeditions, blazing new trails, seeing things we've never seen and that’s all great but where we find joy is in those things that are familiar and personal.

I moved to Crossville just 15 short years ago.  This was a trail blazing move on its own.  I knew no one here except my husband and felt like I was starting from scratch.  I started working shortly after I arrived.  Every morning, I would stop at the local convenience store (Minit Chek) on the way for a cup of coffee.  This was a familiar tradition I enjoyed no matter where I lived.  I remember one day walking in and hearing, “Hey Cheryl, running late this morning?”  As a matter of fact, I was. Just about five minutes but not giving up the tradition.  They knew….  My Name.  Awesome.  That made my day and made me feel special and like family.  This in contrast to those businesses that see you and you walk in and they say “hi”.   You spin around to see who said that and you don’t recognize anyone and the person behind you bumps into you as they are saying “hi” to them too. 

Case in point here:  I was driving home one day and looked in my rear view mirror to see the blue lights flashing. I looked at my speedometer and it was right on the money for the speed limit.  I pull over and a policeman approaches my car and asks me if I had just got gas at the Minit Chek. I said, “No, I just got gas at this one up the street”.  Well, he said the car and driver fit the description of someone who had just filled up and drove off.  He determined I was telling the truth and life went on.  A couple days later, I stopped in at the Minit Chek where I had purchased coffee everyday for 7 years.  I said, “Hey Bob, they pulled me over the other day because they thought I might have stolen gas from you all”. He replied with,” If it had been you, we would have just wrote you up a slip and caught up with you next time”.  Familiar- I love it.  I seriously think the word familiar comes from the root word Family. It means about the same thing.

Freaks of nature

In a couple weeks I will be 50 years old.  I have bragged about the fact that I am ok with this.  Birthdays are really just a number, right?  Its only how old you feel, right?  Its how great you make each day, right?  Well, I have been telling myself this since I turned 49 just so turning 50 would be no big deal.  I just don’t think we have a choice in the matter.  No matter how hard or easy you try to slide through 50, its there.  In your mind there is something about it that has been looming since you were a teenager.

My poor husband.  He is younger than me and has no idea.  His turn will come.  Right now he gets to witness a self reflecting “whats-this-all-about-and-where-do-I-fit-in-the-big-picture-and-how-do-I-beat-the-game”  attitude.  Sorry dear.

I remember when I was 17 years old.  I would count the years until the year 2000 and think to myself, “wow, I sure hope I live that long”.  I was 36 that year.  I also at a young, inexperienced age  have watched some of my friend’s parents at 50 struggling with all the blows life had given them to the best of their ability and it touched my heart so much for them.  It also created a hasty generalization of the age in and of itself.  That was my picture of 50.  Struggling, chaos, traps and chains.  Decisions regretting and unable to overcome.  With this view came my thoughts of man, I hope I don’t have to live that long! 

Even though I am approaching the major turning point, I have learned so much, dealt with so much, and suffered so much, I would not trade a day or desire to leave this planet at such a young age as 50.  And for the record, AARP, you are evil in sending me that application which just arms my husband with all kinds of fun.   Now if I could just get this chart straightened out:

What does your 14 look like?

On the day my youngest son turns 14, I can’t help but sit here and reflect on what life was like when I was 14.  My mind immediately escapes to the times I spent with my grandparents.  In the little white house in the woods by the river near the railroad tracks encompassed all the wonders of life that any kid could ask for. We spend endless days jumping rocks through the river, trekking an adventure to the railroad tracks (which we were not allowed to do) and searching for lost treasure along the banks like explorers.  We never lacked for things to do outside.  One of our favorite activities was the hammock.  My grandfather had a navy hammock he hung between two trees across the spare driveway. This hammock was not your average hammock.  It was a thick heavy material like a canvas with thick rope on the ends that would attach to the trees.  It was the most durable non-kid friendly fun I have ever experienced.  It was so tough, my brothers and I would take turns wrapping each other up in this hammock like a cocoon and swinging it in full circle rotation.  Your turn ended when you couldn’t hold on anymore and were dumped onto the ground at centrifugal force.  First lesson learned from my grandparents was at this time.  As we each took turns coming inside with our scrapes and bruises, my grandfather never flinched and would say, “that’s all you got?” while my grandmother immediately pulled out the Bactine, covered us in it,  and sent back outside without as much as a worried look.  Life’s tough but nothing you can’t handle.

Over the years my grandmother continued to give me advice and become a role model for me.  We spent endless days delivering meals to people who were homebound. This was one of my favorite things to help her with. The blind lady that would pour us a glass of juice every time we came by was the only person I ever met that defied everything I thought about being blind.  She had a talking bird that entertained me while the adults talked.  I loved these people. The joy they always showed when I thought they should be sad because of their circumstances.  As a teenager, I didn’t understand it. We would then head to the library to pick up her endless amount of books she would read.  I asked her one time. “Don’t you get bored reading all those books?”  She turned to me and said very matter-of-factly,  “Cheryl, you better learn to love to read.  There is nothing better in the time you are alone than to have a good book.”  I shuddered at the thought.  Today, I am thankful for her wisdom.  A good book has brought me through some tough days and given me a way to slow down this super highway called life.  Along with the ever resounding “drink you orange juice and take a multivitamin everyday”, I cherish every word and thankful to have such an influence in my younger years that have continued to help me in my older years.

 Its been a long time since grandma passed away, but she still encourages me.  I’m sure she had no idea I was even paying attention being a teenager and all but I was. Just as your children and grandchildren are watching everything you do and say, know they will mold their lives around all they have seen more than what you say.  I hope to be that to my kids and grandkids and like my grandmother, I may never know.  14 was a good year.  I would do it again.

Is it LIVE or is it MEMOREX

This was a huge unforgettable slogan coined in 1972 when Memorex launched a campaign for their cassette tapes.  I remember hearing it constantly and applied to everything.  What it was really implying was “are you hearing what you think you are hearing? 

I love things that challenge my perspective.  Give me a current theory and I love to search my mind and soul, dig deep into the depths of my experiences and come out with a whole new way to interpret something.  I don’t really think we have opinion or controversy issues.  We have limited perspective with the inability to see the world from a new angle. To experience life in a way that stretches our comfort zone.

Our perspective is being challenged everyday and we are constantly being approached to see things in a broader sense to create the inner ability to love all things.

I thought about this on a smaller scale as I ventured outside in 3 degree weather thinking that a high of 42 tomorrow is going to be awesome.  But wait, just the other day, I recall specific complaints of the 40 degree weather when it followed a 60 degree day.  Perceptively speaking…. I can apply this theory to anything.

How do we enhance our view of the world we live in to create a community environment?  Be thankful for all things.  Celebrate the cold as well as the warm, the eccentric and the mundane, the rural and the city, the drug addict and the CEO.   No one is greater than the other; it just may be your perspective.

Fire and Ice and the Human Spirit

 Some say the world will end in fire,

 Some say in ice.

 From what I’ve tasted of desire

 I hold with those who favor fire.

 But if it had to perish twice,

 I think I know enough of hate

 To say that for destruction ice

 Is also great

 And would suffice.

Robert Frost, 1874-1963

I have a love affair with the literary arts.  Recently in our culture, this love has taken a back seat to the modern day world of technology.  This is sad for me.  Writing has always been a way to make sense of the world.  I was fascinated in school when we could analyze poetry and short stories.  It was like watching documentaries on the History Channel today.  They were not just being words written on a page to be read.  Let me explain in case your English teacher didn’t set you on fire for this.  Hang in here with me for a minute. Unless you’re a slow reading, then maybe a couple minutes.

In 1920 Robert Frost, a prominent New England Author, penned Fire and Ice for Harper’s Magazine.  Since the beginning of time, humanity has had the notion that all things are temporary and can’t last forever engraved in their souls.  The end of the world has been in contemplation since Adam and Eve.  The discussions came up frequently in circles in the 20’s.  Scientists for ages have been trying to answer this question in length as well.

This poem, in a searching thought out of the heart of the author, Frost encompassed all the theories, scientific opinion, and the 14^th century epic poem, Dante’s Inferno, and came to the conclusion that the end is not a physical problem, it’s a heart problem.

Wow. I've got goosebumps. Knowing all this, can you read the poem again and does it spark thought and emotion in your heart?  What was he thinking? What passions had he experienced could be right up there with fire?

A story or poem can touch my soul as deep as witnessing the Grand Canyon.  A true writer doesn’t write to a “target” audience of the masses.  He doesn’t write so his opinion will be accepted.  He is an artist where the canvas is his heart and the paint is his pen. He writes because he has an overwhelming story or experience in his heart that is busting at the walls to be put out into existence.  Every time a writer writes, he is vulnerably sharing a piece of himself. 

We need to fall back in love with this art form of self expression. 

Making New Years Something Old

Being a kid was really awesome.  I think about this as I stand on the ledge of turning 50. I also think about the world of today and truthfully, I sometimes cringe.  I know now what it means when God calls us to come before him like child.

New Years Eve in our house was a big deal.  We stayed up until midnight and at the stroke of 12 we could kiss everyone, toast with champagne, and sing the old angsi song.  Seems trite today but it was a blast.  Our whole family and some good friends all having fun together.  No questions of whether its right or wrong to give kids champagne, or who was or wasn’t invited, or even question the point of it all.

Ignorance truly was bliss.  I loved riding my bike and never wore a helmet.  I would play with anyone I could find just in the name of sharing a fun day with someone else.  I didn’t know skin color or heritage was an issue; I loved all my friends just for the simple fact that they were willing to know me.  When one of your friends confided in you about something they did wrong, the response was always “oh, yeah? I can top that!” not OMG you heathen.

I think this year I will get back to the search for that Penny Candy and play the way we were meant to on this planet until it gets dark and dinner is ready and it’s time to go home.

TO BUY OR NOT....

So, I’m watching my favorite show the other night and I was rudely interrupted by commercials. There were tons of commercials that almost make it not worthwhile to even watch my show.  So as I am sitting waiting… I realize that I am subconsciously being brain washed.  The latest hair commercial for perfect hair, the weight loss I can achieve with no effort on my part, a pill that makes you run on the beach like I’m 20.  This made me start thinking.  When did we start believing everything in commercials yet challenge our doctors and second guess ourselves to do what’s best for us? 

I see so many beautiful young girls striving to be the picture of what’s on tv and yet as I sit and talk to them, I realize that it’s not the looks, it’s the attitude that makes a person so attractive.  With that in mind and as something we already should know, why do these commercials still work?  A short time ago I had my niece over.  She is just a wonderful, beautiful teenager.  She said something to me that made her one of the most attractive people I know; “I like who I am and I like the way I am and that’s all that matters.” Wow!  So young, yet so intelligent at the same time.  

Time for some research.  I checked the “Truth in Advertising laws”.  Then I thought about all the commercials I watched.  This didn’t jive.  You have model straight from the salon (agreed by many hairstylists I asked) showing you the hair you could have by using a specific shampoo. (Suave commercial). I started learning more. We have been fighting this battle since 1872 in making laws to protect consumers.  It mainly came down to if the product ended up causing harm and the ability for people to sue the company or not. Not necessarily if it actually works. The conclusion I came to was this:

1.     Do the research before wasting your money.  Actually find someone else who had the results you are looking for.  I have not found someone yet with salon perfect hair unless they just walked out of one.

2.       The FTC (Federal Trade Commission) does have your best interests at heart.  They currently have over 100 cases against companies for false advertising.  This proves to me there are loopholes in the system so don’t trust that the truth is always what commercials will give you. FTC has a website, use it.

3.      Realize you don’t really need all this junk to be happy.  9 out of 10 things advertised on TV, internet or radio we really don’t need.  God designed you exactly how He wants you to fulfill a purpose tailored just for you.  Yes, we always want to be at our best, eat right, look great and that’s good.  Just don’t go overboard trying to achieve something that is not portraying the real you which comes from deeper than your not so perfect skin tone.

My conclusion, get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say with all the confidence of a tight rope walker: “I like who I am and I like the way I am and that’s all that matters.”  Then get a dvr and fast forward through the lies.

The Secret Formula to a Successful Family

Over the past few years, I have slowly been gathering information about kids and families and their dynamics.  After awhile you begin to see patterns and this then becomes common sense.  Personal experience of my failures (I wish I had known) and successes (I’ve tried it myself) which  confirms my findings. I have worked with so many parents and found that these areas are places to start working on a happier family:

1.       Your spouse takes precedence over your children.  – Ok. Stop reading in disbelief; I speak the truth.  A strong marriage produces by default, a strong family.  All your children really want from you, not the latest XBOX or to be kept busy with sports 24/7, is to have the confidence to know that they are on solid ground. A firm foundation. If your marriage is the foundation of your family you better be sure it’s invincible.  In this environment, children thrive and have more confidence to go out on their own and be successful.  They in turn will mimic this and create firm relationships and lives themselves.Date night. Don’t laugh. Yes, date night is a must.  As busy as we all are we have to stop and take time for our spouses.  Even just a dinner and a movie will give you a chance to talk and relate to each other again.  After 13 years, we are still in the habit of our once a month date night.  Its amazing how much I have find out that has been going on with my husband that is usually small things we have no time otherwise to discuss.  Now onto a little family dynamics…..

2.       Be the mentor – I can’t stress enough the fact that children are watching what parents do more than they are listening to what they say.  You will be copied. Teenagers get blamed a lot for peer pressure influences.  Parents are proven to be the #1 influence above a child’s friends. No matter what age they are pioneering, they will continually be looking to you as a reference. Think about how babies learn. Its mostly all by imitation; everything from phonics to movement.  This does not stop as they age.  If you really start to contemplate this, you will see that it may not be just genetics that makes the apple fall close to the tree.

3.       Be accountable -   Responsibility is the most misaddressed area of the family dynamic today more than ever.  Children as young as 3 and 4 can start becoming responsible.  This is invaluable as they begin to grow into young adults.  A four year old can take off his shoes at the door and place them in a designated area.  This is teachable.  At a young age they so want to please you and be given praise that it’s a great place to start.  Being responsible breeds self-esteem.  We have so many young people out there feeling bad about themselves.  So insufficient and unworthy, I would call it the next epidemic.  Starting a regimen of responsibilities gives everyone a source of value and purpose thus ending in good self-esteem and in turn a happier family.

4.       You’re the parents – The team does not consist of children vs. mom vs. dad.  Parents need to plan how they are going to handle situations that come up in advance.  This is even more important with stepchildren and the roles step parents play.  Get your huddle on and have private meetings (maybe date night?) to talk about acceptable ways to approach problems and issues the kids will throw at you.  A teens favorite ammunition, and so easily played, is divide and conquer.  If you can pitch mom against dad, then the teen is no longer the issue. Bam, slam dunk and a win.

5.       Have fun – This should have been #2 if the list was in order.  The healthiest thing you can do for a family is have fun together.  Most of the time it’s free. This is not always easy and you may have to require attendance, but once it starts, everyone will have memories and references to last a lifetime.  In our house it’s been everything from chess tournaments and board games to walking in the woods to meteor hunting.  My heart is so happy when I see family pictures on facebook of days at the park or visiting with relatives.

6.       Pray together – I learned just the other day that 1 in 50,000 couples that pray together end in divorce. Those are awesome odds and truly worth saving a family for.   My family has been praying together for 13 years and its exactly what we need at the end of the day to remind us how grateful and thankful we are regardless of all that conspired during the day.

There concludes my top six.  This is my own personal observation and I find it to be pretty spot on.  

The Blue Ribbon of Child Abuse

April is child abuse awareness and prevention month.   This month here in my county, we will be having the Blue Ribbon Ceremony where we release the balloons of every child who has fallen victim to child abuse last year. This is an event we plan that ivolves all of the counties organizations. All will attend and we extend to our public how they can see and report suspected child abuse.  This cause is very near to my heart and I just wish that there would come a day when there would be no need for this event.  All children are a gift. A precious gift God has given us to care for and train up to be wonderful, loving adults. Please take some time to read the story about the Blue Ribbon and then go hug a child and swear you will protect them forever.

Bonnie Finney's story
It had been so long since I sat by my grandson's side in the hospital. Of course, I knew
something was wrong as I sat there, I saw fear on his face, the bruises on his body, and the
healing cigarette burns on his hands. His doctor did not believe my daughter's story… "he
fell in slippery water in the bathtub."

After the ordeal at the hospital my grandson was placed into foster care for three weeks. He
cried when they came to take him back to his mother. I ached for his dilemma, but I was not
physically able to care for him. I never saw him again.

"My 16-month old granddaughter was hospitalized after being beaten severely. Her leg was
broken in four places and her hand was burned from the tip of her little fingers to her wrist.
It was only then that the search was on for my grandson. We learned that he had been
killed, wrapped in a sheet, stuffed in a toolbox, and dumped into the dismal swamp three
months earlier.

My grandchildren had suffered and battled so much throughout their young lives that it
sickened me. My life was turned into physical and mental chaos. My efforts to understand
became a plea to stop abusing children. I tied a Blue Ribbon on my van antenna to make
people wonder. Why blue? I intend never to forget the battered, bruised bodies of my
grandchildren. Blue serves as a constant reminder to me to fight for protection for our
children.

The Green Thing

So I am carousing through the grocery store and I stumble upon that green coated fry pan that was recently an "As seen on TV" item.  I stared at it for a while and started thinking about the last 13 years of my life.  No, really.  Cast Iron pans for 13 years. UG!  The mess, the heaviness, and the scratches to my glass top stove.  Not one day spent in the presence of Teflon   Oh how I have missed anything non-stick!  I decided that since I was a grown woman subject to make rational decisions, I was going to indulge in purchasing this skillet. For experimental purposes of course.

I brought it home.  Its not Teflon, its environmentally friendly, ceramic coated.  I had to fry some sausage last night and decided to test out the new pan. All I can say is it worked liked a charm, fried my food, no fuss, no mess, light as a feather to lift and I wasn't exposed to any dangerous evil toxins!  It was extremely slick though so you have to watch it or your stuff will end up on the floor.  As long as the 5 second rule applies, you'll be ok. For the first time ever in the history of forever of buying something marketed on TV, I give it an A.

So its called the Orgreenic Ceramic Green non-stick Fry Pan. Go get you one.

Brushing Up on Some Slang

 I ran across this information cleaning out my computer. A dreaded job but I had a couple 500 minutes to kill.  I had put together a list of teen slang for some parents as a fun activity.  I chuckles every time I see it. One reason is because I remember all the slang/code words we used to use.  They are quite different these days.  I do warn parents not to let on that we know these words nor use them at any time.  Usually the minute they know we know, they'll change them like a super spy on a covert mission of mass secrecy!  Enjoy:

FLOP:
A flop is when a planned event doesn't end up happening. A flopper is someone who often cancels last minute.

PHOTOBOMB:
A photobomb is when a person or object is in a picture accidentally or intentionally and as a result, ruins the photo.

FAIL:
A fail is a fail in life. It can be anything from falling off your bike, walking into a glass door or overcooking your holiday dinner. Fails can also happen online if you write on someone's Facebook wall by accident, for example.

EPIC FAIL:
Now if a fail is a fail in life, then an epic fail is a fail of giant proportions. An epic fail can also refer to a task that is meant to be easy, but still wasn't carried out properly.

LIPDUB:
A lipdub may not be as common among all teens, but a lot of libdubs have been popping up on the Internet. For example in this one,students at the University of British Columbia sing their way through campus with Pink's "Raise Your Glass." Essentially, a lipdub is a music video done in one take with a variety of people singing along.

NOOB:
A noob refers to someone who doesn't have the basic knowledge when it comes to pop culture, tech terms or just generally what seems to be "in" that week. (And don't worry, after you read our guide, you will no longer be a noob when it comes to popular words among teens).

PWNED:
No, this is not a typo, pwned is spelled with a "p" and is pronounced 'owned.' History suggests it originated in an online game called "Warcraft," where a map designer misspelled "owned." (Just look how close "p" and "o" are on your keyboard). When the computer beat a player, it was supposed to say, "has been owned." Being owned means someone just proved you wrong, but it could also be positive. If you did well on a test, guess what? You pwned that test.

POS:
Now kids aren't going around saying "POS" out loud -- nor would they say LOL (laugh out loud), WTF (what the f--k), BRB (be right back) or SMH (shaking my head) --but this one is just for texting and chatting. If you ever happen to look over your son or daughter's shoulder while they are on instant message sites or Facebook and you see "POS," it refers to: parents over shoulder.

SICK:
Sick doesn't refer to being ill or literally sick. It usually refers to something that was awesome, cool or surprising.

HATER:
A hater is usually someone who feels anger or jealously towards another person because of their success. However, when most teens use it, they just assume they other person is ruining their life on purpose. 

·                    Greycation - Having your grandparents join your vacation.

Bro-tox - Men getting botox

Iceman - A friend with nerves of steel

Tarhead - Someone who is involved in oil-based recreation such as car racing.

Affluential - Having both money and power or influence

Flamed - To have taken everything too seriously

Awesomity - The highest state of awesome

Ollie - A skateboard trick where the rider and board leap into the air

Planking - Laying your body on top of an object and balancing there while stretched out and stiffened.

Tight - Means close in relationship.

Tool - Refers to someone who is stupid or a geek.

Wanksta - Refers to a person trying to act tough, but isn't really pulling it off.

Chillaxin - cross between chillin' and relaxing.

Crashy - Crazy and trashy. Not considered to be good.

Crunk - cross between crazy and drunk. Some teens use this term to mean cool.

Requestion - cross between a request and a question.

Tope - cross between tight and dope.

Reflections, Resolutions and Ramblings

 Every year about this time I spend WAY too much time reflecting on the previous year. I do it consistently the days before New Years trying to decide what my resolutions might be. This should be a tradition I need to avoid, nevertheless, as I look back on the year I tend to focus only on the negative things I might want to try rid myself of the next year. All the times I failed to be there for a friend, or the times I lacked in guiding my child, or the times I got frustrated and wanted to just throw in the towel. This is really not how I want to spend the last days of a truly for the most part wonderful year.

Grace and Mercy. This is the concept (resolution) I’ll focus on next year. Cut a person some slack. We all fall short miserably of the standards we set for ourselves and especially the ones we set for others. I think people spend too much time beating themselves up for not being perfect. This is a terrible dilemma running rampant. A few ideas running through my mind:

 On being a mom- I’m not the best mom in the world nor am I the worst. I am who I am and love tremendously. I would die for each and every one of them without a thought.

 On being a friend- I’m not the best friend you could ever have nor could I (hopefully not) be the worst. I try hard to be the friend you need and want every day. I love all my friends tremendously and would die for each and every one of them without a thought.

On being a wife- I do the best I can with all I have. Excluding my female neurosis and crazy days, I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you. I love with every inch of the heart God gave me and would die for you in an instant.

Grace and mercy allows us to be who we are and love regardless. I imagine how Jesus felt as he was lead to the cross. We were terrible friends and so imperfect and trying. Yet, his love was so deep for us he was willing to die anyway. We don’t have to be perfect (because we will never get there) or try to have others see us as perfect. We just have to be ourselves and accept others for who they are.

Let Them Eat Cake!

Today I have a “ME” day. This is the day that I am all alone at home and can do whatever I want. This may not sound like a big deal to some, but to me, its like a slice of heaven for 4 or 5 hours. After about an hour of doing the typical cleaning and washing, I decided that that wasn’t what I wanted to do so I decided I would bake something. I haven’t baked anything in forever so I chose a cinnamon cake. Yes, it’s out of a box but I still have to add ingredients so that counts. I mixed the egg, water and oil to the batter. Separated the little bread crumbs and did everything it said on the box. As I was ready to pour it all in the pan, my index finger reached down and scooped up a nice taste of the sugary batter smelling deliciousness. I didn’t have that anticipated taste halfway to my mouth when the skies opened up and a huge voice came out of nowhere and exclaimed NO!!! Don’t do it! There’s E-coli salmonella bacteria and lethal matter in that batter! I responded promptly with “You gotta be kidding me. This is my day and if I want to lick the whole bowl, I’m going to do it.” Well, my conscience got the better of me so I didn’t. How did we get here? How did we get to the point where a person can’t even lick a spoon without fear of imminent death? I remember a time ( I don’t know if my mom knows this or not) when we, my brothers and I, used to come home from school we would get out the recipe card for chocolate cake and prepare the batter. It never made it to the oven. We didn’t want cake. We wanted the batter. Eaten right out of the bowl…raw eggs and all. How we survived to adulthood, I have no idea. I feel really sad right now that today’s kids will never be able to experience the extreme joy of sitting patiently in the kitchen while mom is preparing a yummy cake or cookies and then waiting for your turn to lick the spoon, the beaters, and the bowl. In 37 minutes my cake will be done. I’ll probably eat half of it before my husband and son return from fishing. It wasn’t the same working so hard and not licking the spoon.

My Love Affair with Science Fairs

Ode to the Science Fair

The biggest challenge I face in interacting between my son and the school system is the science fair. I think there should be stricter rules and regulations regarding participating in such events as listed below.

1. The parents are required to be less neurotic than the child. If you have a child that is extremely easy going, lives for today and never worries about what tomorrow brings and then you have parents that come unglued over deadlines and changes in procedures that tend to throw them into a tailspin, it’s not a recipe for success.

2. This should be optional. A child with absolutely no interest in doing science experiments nor care what the outcome is, has no business putting his parents through this stressful activity. More than seeing experiments as the science fair, People love to see the kids enthusiasm over what he have accomplished or figured out. Like they had some major revelation.

3. The parents should actually know what all the materials are. When the experiment calls for “Non-Galvanized Nails” in the year 2012, the parents should realize that this is hard to find since all nails are galvanized to some degree and finding the requirements is going to take more research than a 5 minute trip to Lowes. It is also important for the parents to know that they actually have the wrong materials sooner than 28 hours into an experiment that is due in 3 days.

4. The child should not be prone to beg for an F instead of doing science. This just leaves the parents to spend hours upon days convincing the child that failure is not an option and no one is sleeping the night before its due.

After weeks of working on this science project and also having to start all over with a new idea one week before it was due, I feel we have pulled it off. I’m going for D or better and everyone gets ice cream. Please do not tell me this is a yearly thing. If so, I’m going to make him start today on next year’s project.

All and all, the science fair went off without a hitch and I actually learned some really cool stuff from some creative 6-8th graders. My personal blue ribbons go to child #4b who proved that Wal-Mart brand nail polish lasts longer and chips less than your expensive brands and child 3a who proved that chickens lay more eggs when listening to classical music than they do with country music or no music. Both these I will definitely try at home. Stay tuned and I’ll post some pictures.

Virtual Walls

Today my thoughts were about my robot. I have an irobot that vacuums for me. It has patterns and sensors that keep it moving to completely cover the room eventually. I can set a timer to run when I’m not here. It has a voice that states its needs like when its in a pickle it says, “Please move Roomba to a new location.” Or “Please charge Roomba.” It comes with lighthouses and virtual walls so you can let it know where to go next with the lighthouse or not let it in certain areas that you don’t want it to go. One cool thing is the docking station so when it senses that its battery is low, it docks itself and recharges. Its equipped with everything it needs to do the job it was made to do.

Why am I telling you all about my robot? I’m not selling them or anything but one day a friend of mine also bought one of these robots and she asked me, “Do let it run while you’re not home?” I said no because I’m never sure where it will be when I get back and I end up calling for it like some kind of crazy woman…”Here robot, where are you?”

As a person who ponders numerous conversations for days, I started thinking about the robot and the question posed to me by my friend. I also think about kids and teenagers a lot. Then a huge lightning bolt seared across the sky, lights started flickering and I had an AHA! moment. iRobot is like cildren. I am in such a rush most days, I usually don’t take the time to set up the virtual walls or the timers so it just works randomly throughout my house. It takes twice as much time to clean than if it the equipment was used properly. All the information I need is there, I just have to stop and listen to it or maybe read a manual or two. I don’t really set the timer because I just use it when its convenient for me and my schedule. I have never used the lighthouses really because sometimes I’m not even sure where I think it should go next. Imagine what would happen if our children had no virtual walls, no boundaries, no idea what was coming next or where they should go next. Imagine if we didn’t really take the time to read a manual or search out answers that would help our kids run more efficiently. They come equipped with everything they need to be successful and its our job to keep the batteries charged and the direction clear.

Technology Update

Dear Husband and Son,

You may not have recognized this item but I would like to take the time to fill you in. In order to clear up any miscommunication, I will now attempt to answer all your questions about this. The wicker square thing in the corner of each room is called a laundry basket. I understand your not recognizing it since it does not have tires, engine nor propels on the water. It has been used for centuries as a place to put clothes that have been worn and are in need of laundering. Hence the name “LAUNDRY basket”. What this strange item cannot not do is be magnetized to spontaneously attract your used clothing. It cannot sense unclean articles and retrieve them. There is no remote so it does not have to be turned on, unlocked or turned off. It just sits there. It cannot pick up socks or anything else by itself that have been left on the floor next to it. It order for this device to work properly, you must actually feed it every day.

Recruit and Paint

So I called Danyele, my sister in law. She is always redecorating, moving something, updating, fixing, restoring, reorganizing…well, you get the picture. I went to her with my awesome idea and my terrible dilemma. “But I can’t paint” I said sadly with puppy dog eyes. She was more than happy to help and we planned a Saturday to do the paint job. Since we live so far away and its hard to get people together these days, I had a brilliant idea to make a day of it. Make a big dinner, have family over, paint, eat, play. Well, I wouldn’t say it was brilliant, more like addicted to chaos.
Danyele comes over with her supplies. She has on these cute shoes, nice pair of jeans, button down shirt and the cutest leather jacket. Hmm. Where’s the sweats? I guess she’ll change later. I, in my ripped jeans and baggy shirt, start helping to get the room ready. She opens the paint and gets right to it....in her cute outfit. So I waited, surely she’ll realize she forgot to change? Meanwhile, the family is here, kids are running everywhere wanting in that room that they are sure all the toys are in. I left the paint job to Danyele as I prepared dinner and tended to the guests. Not to mention the fact that I am not allowed anywhere near paint. When the day was finally over, the room was painted, not a drop anywhere, not even on Danyele’s shoes, dinner was good, the company was great and all in all a successful day. Thank you for your help. The painting was perfect and better than the people I originally paid to paint the orange.