Over the past few years, I have slowly been gathering
information about kids and families and their dynamics. After awhile you begin to see patterns and
this then becomes common sense. Personal
experience of my failures (I wish I had known) and successes (I’ve tried it
myself) which confirms my findings. I
have worked with so many parents and found that these areas are places to start
working on a happier family:
1.
Your
spouse takes precedence over your children. – Ok. Stop reading in disbelief; I speak the
truth. A strong marriage produces by
default, a strong family. All your children
really want from you, not the latest XBOX or to be kept busy with sports 24/7, is
to have the confidence to know that they are on solid ground. A firm
foundation. If your marriage is the foundation of your family you better be
sure it’s invincible. In this
environment, children thrive and have more confidence to go out on their own
and be successful. They in turn will
mimic this and create firm relationships and lives themselves.Date night. Don’t laugh. Yes, date
night is a must. As busy as we all are
we have to stop and take time for our spouses.
Even just a dinner and a movie will give you a chance to talk and relate
to each other again. After 13 years, we
are still in the habit of our once a month date night. Its amazing how much I have find out that has
been going on with my husband that is usually small things we have no time
otherwise to discuss. Now onto a little
family dynamics…..
2.
Be the mentor
– I can’t stress enough the fact that children are watching what parents do
more than they are listening to what they say.
You will be copied. Teenagers get blamed a lot for peer pressure
influences. Parents are proven to be the
#1 influence above a child’s friends. No matter what age they are pioneering,
they will continually be looking to you as a reference. Think about how babies
learn. Its mostly all by imitation; everything from phonics to movement. This does not stop as they age. If you really start to contemplate this, you
will see that it may not be just genetics that makes the apple fall close to
the tree.
3.
Be accountable
- Responsibility is the most
misaddressed area of the family dynamic today more than ever. Children as young as 3 and 4 can start
becoming responsible. This is invaluable
as they begin to grow into young adults.
A four year old can take off his shoes at the door and place them in a
designated area. This is teachable. At a young age they so want to please you and
be given praise that it’s a great place to start. Being responsible breeds self-esteem. We have so many young people out there
feeling bad about themselves. So
insufficient and unworthy, I would call it the next epidemic. Starting a regimen of responsibilities gives
everyone a source of value and purpose thus ending in good self-esteem and in
turn a happier family.
4.
You’re
the parents – The team does not consist of children vs. mom vs. dad. Parents need to plan how they are going to
handle situations that come up in advance.
This is even more important with stepchildren and the roles step parents
play. Get your huddle on and have
private meetings (maybe date night?) to talk about acceptable ways to approach
problems and issues the kids will throw at you.
A teens favorite ammunition, and so easily played, is divide and
conquer. If you can pitch mom against
dad, then the teen is no longer the issue. Bam, slam dunk and a win.
5.
Have fun –
This should have been #2 if the list was in order. The healthiest thing you can do for a family
is have fun together. Most of the time it’s
free. This is not always easy and you may have to require attendance, but once
it starts, everyone will have memories and references to last a lifetime. In our house it’s been everything from chess
tournaments and board games to walking in the woods to meteor hunting. My heart is so happy when I see family
pictures on facebook of days at the park or visiting with relatives.
6.
Pray
together – I learned just the other day that 1 in 50,000 couples that pray
together end in divorce. Those are awesome odds and truly worth saving a family
for. My family has been praying
together for 13 years and its exactly what we need at the end of the day to
remind us how grateful and thankful we are regardless of all that conspired
during the day.
There concludes my top six.
This is my own personal observation and I find it to be pretty spot
on.
