I have been a parent for 29 years. I'm by far "certified by a major university" expert on the subject. I can only report my experiences. So here is what's on my heart today.
What do we really want for our kids? It is to be happy and successful in life. Thats it in a nutshell. Even though the definition of those two things differ for everyone, the bottom line is the same. If my child finds excitement in the stars, why would I make him play baseball? Point being, each child we have been blessed with is born with their own gifts and talents. This creates a happy, successful child that becomes a happy successful adult. It may sound easy and really basic but it isn't. Here's some of my attempts:
Is sports the answer?
I put all my kids in sports starting at about 4 and all had different outcomes. My daughter, first child, hit the most homeruns on her team yet was #1 in strikeouts as well. She's an "all in or all out" kind of child. To this day she is either totally wrapped up in something or has nothing to do with it. The #2 child. Lets see. He was there playing ball. I never knew if he liked it or not. He was just there for every game and every practice. He is the "I do whats expected of me because thats the right thing to do" child. Ok so third time's a charm, right? Nope. #3 child is the one that shows up to practice and is more interested in chewing gum that what a glove is. On game day, he's the one hanging from the dugout fence with that look on his face like "take me home so I don't have to be in front of all these people watching me!" So #3 is my loner. He thrives on his own and crumbles in a group. So, yes, put your children in sports. The chances of rearing a Babe Ruth is slim to none and is no guarantee that this will keep them drug free, but if you are really paying attention, you'll find out who your children really are.
You can't create the gift.
As parents, we want control. We feel we earned the right to control our kids because all of a sudden someone is referring to you as so and so's mom or dad. Not true. We have to give them some freedom to show us what they want/need/like. I'm that kind of parent that actually tries to find out what my kids talents are as soon as possible. I would set legos in front of them to see who's going
to be an engineer. Intently watching them like they were in a control group to see if there was a spark. I ended up with a bunch of "like new" legos for the yard sale. This went on and on. Some of my other tests were guitars, telescopes, roller blades, sports, airplanes, hiking trips, metal detectors, rock digs, museums, art, crafts and whatever else I could come up with. Each time wondering if this or that would catch or create an attachment.
By the time my kids were teenagers, I was exhausted. I finally decided "Ah, they'll figure it out" and they did. On their own. To my amazement, they are doing what they love, without my help, and I've never seen them happier.
They are watching you!
I know people hear this alot and many times think that it applies to that huge fight or that great success or that awesome vacation. So not true!
Actually mostly the opposite. My kids may not remember, clearly anyway, the vacations, or a wedding in the family or even what jobs I've had. They do remember the time I picked them off the pavement after their first bike ride. They do remember the words I spoke that soothed them during the storm. They do remember their favorite book I would read to them as they drifted off. They are watching the real you. Not the you you want the world to see.
As our children decide what makes them happy and what gifts they may have to give to the world, they will recall what made them happy. I have always loved photography and traveling to pretty places to get the best shot. I always had to bring my young son with me because leaving him home at 6 was not legal. He sat in the back seat and talked about random things so I figured he was enduring his sentence and waiting to get home. This repeated many times. This now is one of his favorite happy places. Behind the lens of a camera in a beautiful setting. It brings him the same feeling as it did spending a pretty spring day on an excursion with mom. The examples could go on but then it would be a book.
So, in short, sports are good but chill out, they are not earning scholarships at 11. Legos are for play and not experimenting and the most important; you have to be the person you want your child to become. More on that later.
